ulat

aku kira sudah berkali kau sakitkan hati aku. luka ini tak pernah lagi aku rawat. aku biarkan sahaja begitu. membusuk. mengulat. biar sampai sudah tidak terubat lagi.

missed call yang aku dapat pagi tadi. aku harapkan menjadi satu rahmat yang dapat mengubah keadaan ini. ubat bagi luka berulat ini.

tut tut... tut tut...

"dah puas hisap batang laki lain?"

luka yang busuk semakin membusuk. luka yang berulat kini tempat maharajalela segala mikrooganisma yang hidupnya bergantung kepada daging-daging busuk.

tiada ubat yang dapat sembuhkan aku.

setiap

setiap kerja-kerja aku

jahat atau baik

semua aku letakkan

di tangan kau

setiap gerak-geri aku

indah atau hodoh

semua aku tangggungjawabkan

ke atas diri kau

setiap tingkah laku aku

sopan atau biadap

setiap percakapan aku

indah atau buruk

semuanya kerana

kau

mem

penat aku cari
rupenye kau dah ade mem

so kau boleh pergi ke mem kau
and pergi mem-pus.

...

kosong
dalam otak
dalam hati
dalam jiwa

bila
kau
ambil
kembali
kebahagiaan
yang
kau
janjikan
dulu.

apology

many apologies for the mood swing lately
trying to feel better
but it fails all the time
selagi aku masih tak tahu
perkara sebenar
selagi aku masih tak dapat
lepaskan
aku akan macam ni
mohon jangan buat bom jangka ni meletop
walaupun bunyinya
agak selfish
tp tolonglah paham
aku bukan yg dulu

morning

i woke up in the morning 

just to realise that it was not a dream

that you had taken a part of me 

away

no apologies could mend this

no explanations could ever help

sometimes coincidence just hits it hard right in your face

"Almost Lover"

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left you kissed my lips

You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

such a coincidence

the only difference is that 

you are not my almost lover

you are my lover.

3 bulan

3 bulan yang lalu
kau dapat berita yang boleh ubah hidup kita
3 bulan yang lalu
kau terima nasib itu dengan senang hati
tanpa ada gerak hati
untuk beri tahu aku

3 bulan yang lalu
aku masih fikir kau sayang aku
3 bulan yang lalu
kita bersenda gurau macam biasa
3 bulan lalu
kau ucap kata cinta
macam tiada apa yang dapat halang
bila adanya kita berdua

3 bulan yang lalu
dalam diam
kau musnahkan hidup aku

3 BULAN

presence

every touch
every kiss
stay sealed in this safety box
a safety box that only you can open

but somehow
day by day
sometimes you forgot to come by
to visit my safe box
to make sure that it is alright
like the way you used to

maybe you no longer need my presence to feel happy
maybe you realised that this was all a big mistake
a misguided feeling
that should never grow at all

all the promises
the hopes
the plans
can no longer fill this empty heart
because i know that you never intended to fulfill it

or... maybe you did?

google

you can google anything that you need to know. 

but u can never google to see what lies in one's heart.

BODOH

kojap yo tengok-tengok dah minggu kotigo sem ni. raso macam laju sangat maso berlalu.

FYP memang tak sentuh lagy sejak ade correction dari supervisor aku. catatan dan diambil. semua rapi ditulis dalam proposal. cuma tindakan belum diambil lagy. mulut cakap cuaca panas jadi penyebab malas. tapi hati aku sedia maklum, semua ni angkara malas.

hari tu dalam kelas discourse analysis cikgu ade tanya soalan yang berbunyi begini:

"the cat needs feeding" - a note on the kitchen table.

cikgu kata ayat ni kemungkinan ada lebih daripada satu makna jadi tugas kami ialah untuk mengenalpasti makna ayat tu.

makna pertama - someone needed to go out and placed a note on the table to tell anyone at home to feed the cat. memang jawapan lazim. satu kelas laungkan jawapan sama.

lepas tu cikgu tu kata ada makna lain dalam ayat tu. dia pun tanya satu kelas apa pemahaman kita selain makna pertama tu.

*krik krik krik*

semua tunggu. konon-konon fikir padahal tunggu member jawab.

tiba-tiba aku rasa sel-sel dalam otak aku bergerak-gerak. meronta-ronta sebab ada idea yang nak keluar. idea bernas ni, otak cakap. otak hantar mesej ke mulut supaya buka dan hantarkan mesej tersebut ke cikgu.





"maybe the cat is the one who put the note there because no one feeds it"

BODOH.

kendian satu kelas gelak. memang la lawak tapi lawak BODOH.